# Other Discussions > Off Topic Discussions >  Confidence building

## lrocksmashtime

As a long time hair loss sufferer I am in an endless struggle with life and with the way I feel about myself. Always on the lookout for treatments that could someday give me back the thing that 90% of my peers still have. I'm probably fairly decent looking when it comes to having a completely shaved head. I honestly don't care about having hair anymore, being bald is kind of nice, what I do care about is how difficult it has become for me to meet girls. I'm going on a year and a half of no sex, and only a couple of make out sessions. I go on dates all the time with girls that I meet through various online dating services. Most of the girls I meet are so below my standards that even having sex with them for the sake of having sex is not something I desire. What I want more than anything is to achieve that level of confidence that so many people point to anytime someone asks the age old question, "do girls like bald men?" I think we're all realistic here, girls rarely prefer bald men, let alone guys who've lost ALL their hair by the age of 31. Having said that, I'm not getting my hair back anytime soon. Having that elusive confidence is the one and only thing I should be focusing on. So my question to you guys is, what are some confidence building techniques that have worked for you (if there are any), and are their any books or other resources that you recommend?

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## Dav7

> As a long time hair loss sufferer I am in an endless struggle with life and with the way I feel about myself. Always on the lookout for treatments that could someday give me back the thing that 90% of my peers still have. I'm probably fairly decent looking when it comes to having a completely shaved head. I honestly don't care about having hair anymore, being bald is kind of nice, what I do care about is how difficult it has become for me to meet girls. I'm going on a year and a half of no sex, and only a couple of make out sessions. I go on dates all the time with girls that I meet through various online dating services. Most of the girls I meet are so below my standards that even having sex with them for the sake of having sex is not something I desire. What I want more than anything is to achieve that level of confidence that so many people point to anytime someone asks the age old question, "do girls like bald men?" I think we're all realistic here, girls rarely prefer bald men, let alone guys who've lost ALL their hair by the age of 31. Having said that, I'm not getting my hair back anytime soon. Having that elusive confidence is the one and only thing I should be focusing on. So my question to you guys is, what are some confidence building techniques that have worked for you (if there are any), and are their any books or other resources that you recommend?


 What Norwood are you and have you had and/ or considering a Hair Transplant? Are you on finasteride and minoxidil at least also?

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## lrocksmashtime

I'm NW6 I think. Been taking fin for over a decade. Shit doesn't seem to do much for me especially in the front.

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## Mike K

Work out, buy a badass car/truck (learn to drive stick if you don't already, chicks notice), learn to fight, get a license to carry a gun and do so, go hunting (I use a compound bow), get a sweet job that pays well. These are all things that have greatly improved my confidence.

I take fin and my hair doesn't look too bad yet, but I know I'll be totally bald someday so I'm already working to compensate.

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## Widowmaker

I'm a NW 3-3.5 at age 36.  I've accepted I can't regain what I've lost, but I also know that hair isn't the only element of attractiveness.  If you're feeling down about the lack of hair, work on the other things...clothes, grooming, physique, psychological.  Concentrate on dressing better to improve your appearence.  Don't "over-dress", just wear things that fit.  Work out more...start to run.  When I started to lose my hair, I started running to keep in shape.  It was something I could control.  It takes some time, but eventually you'll build up stanima and won't be winded.  It'll give you time to think, your clothes will fit better, and you'll look better without.  I may not have a full head of hair, but I also have absolutly no gut.  Maybe you're not as old as me, but that just gives you more time.  You'd be amazed how many guys my age have fat that hangs over their belt...it's not attractive even if you have a full head of hair.

I also build confidence through what I've accomplished professionally.  I was lucky enough to get into law school and now have my own criminal defense practice.  I feel like my profession requires a ton of responsibility...more so than most people have in other jobs.

Finally, developing an attractive personality is perhaps the most important aspect that will set you apart.  I remember seeing a guy in a wheelchair just slaying ***** at a bar.  I happened to talk to his ex-girlfriend (who was absolutely beautiful) who told me that girls just fall for him.  They like how "he presents himself"...how he acts, the way he makes people feel about themselves.  She said they dated, but she saw how girls flocked to him and she didn't want to keep him from those opportunities...I'll admit it was a bit weird.  The reason I remember that story was I kept wondering why she was still hanging around an ex-boyfriend...while 2 (honestly) girls were sitting on his lap.  I remember her telling me that's just how much she enjoys his company.  Some may think his disability would affect his chances with women, but it was apparent to me that he improved on what he could.  It was enough to make me jealous...hell, I still remember it many years later.

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## lrocksmashtime

> Work out, buy a badass car/truck (learn to drive stick if you don't already, chicks notice), learn to fight, get a license to carry a gun and do so, go hunting (I use a compound bow), get a sweet job that pays well. These are all things that have greatly improved my confidence.
> 
> I take fin and my hair doesn't look too bad yet, but I know I'll be totally bald someday so I'm already working to compensate.


 I hear ya. My entire life has become a nonstop attempt to compensate for my physical inadequacies. I actually do work out a fair amount, and have trained Muay Thai for the past 5 years, I've been playing guitar for over 15 years, I'm also an experienced and successful software programmer and currently the CTO of a very exciting tech startup. I'd buy a truck but I live in NYC. Going hunting is an interesting one, I'll consider it. At the end of the day it's pretty sad that I can admit to having all these great skills and when push comes to shove a tall guy with good hair will always be more confident than me, and will always get the girl over me. 

****ing bullshit

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## lrocksmashtime

> I'm a NW 3-3.5 at age 36.  I've accepted I can't regain what I've lost, but I also know that hair isn't the only element of attractiveness.  If you're feeling down about the lack of hair, work on the other things...clothes, grooming, physique, psychological.  Concentrate on dressing better to improve your appearence.  Don't "over-dress", just wear things that fit.  Work out more...start to run.  When I started to lose my hair, I started running to keep in shape.  It was something I could control.  It takes some time, but eventually you'll build up stanima and won't be winded.  It'll give you time to think, your clothes will fit better, and you'll look better without.  I may not have a full head of hair, but I also have absolutly no gut.  Maybe you're not as old as me, but that just gives you more time.  You'd be amazed how many guys my age have fat that hangs over their belt...it's not attractive even if you have a full head of hair.
> 
> I also build confidence through what I've accomplished professionally.  I was lucky enough to get into law school and now have my own criminal defense practice.  I feel like my profession requires a ton of responsibility...more so than most people have in other jobs.
> 
> Finally, developing an attractive personality is perhaps the most important aspect that will set you apart.  I remember seeing a guy in a wheelchair just slaying ***** at a bar.  I happened to talk to his ex-girlfriend (who was absolutely beautiful) who told me that girls just fall for him.  They like how "he presents himself"...how he acts, the way he makes people feel about themselves.  She said they dated, but she saw how girls flocked to him and she didn't want to keep him from those opportunities...I'll admit it was a bit weird.  The reason I remember that story was I kept wondering why she was still hanging around an ex-boyfriend...while 2 (honestly) girls were sitting on his lap.  I remember her telling me that's just how much she enjoys his company.  Some may think his disability would affect his chances with women, but it was apparent to me that he improved on what he could.  It was enough to make me jealous...hell, I still remember it many years later.


 Great post. thanks for the response. I do have time, but it's just sickening to think that this feeling of being from another planet could last for god knows how long. The longer I go without someone special to help me through this roller coaster the worse I become. I'm particularly interesting the psychological thing you speak of. I need to really figure out how to train myself to think differently and to change. Personality is something that I have an abundance of, my low self esteem suppresses it much too often.

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## Widowmaker

Sh1t man, sounds like your job pays (or can potentially pay) very well...that's a ton better than most guys.  You play the guitar and live in NYC.  Why not work out some songs and play solo accustic in coffee shops/bars.  Maybe it sounds intimidating (and douchey) but in NYC you can be pretty anonomous and I imagine girls will totally dig a musician with a crowd...even a very small crowd.  At least it could get that initial conversation to break the ice.

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## Widowmaker

Also, it's a lot tougher being bald in your mid 20s as compared to your mid 30s.  I started losing at around 20 and it's been a slow but steady progression.  It's a lot easier when you noticed your peers/friends losing hair as well.  That's way more common in your 30s.  It sounds rediculous, but there is some value in showing confidence and accepting hairloss and improving on what you can while most of your friends are obviously dealing with and trying to hide their hairloss.

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## Hicks

Hit the gym, get some new cloths. YouTube frank medrano. He's a little extreme.   We've all heard about Neil Strauss,  I don't agree with all they do but as far as building confidence I don't think there is any thing else.   In short find some one that can help you/push you.  

Get a Harley.

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## Notcoolanymore

> Most of the girls I meet are so below my standards that even having sex with them for the sake of having sex is not something I desire.


 I am really sorry about everything especially this.  I would give you some advice, but after reading this shit I am totally bummed out.  I can't do this anymore...

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## lrocksmashtime

> I am really sorry about everything especially this.  I would give you some advice, but after reading this shit I am totally bummed out.  I can't do this anymore...


 Let's just be thankful that at the very least the technology and science will get better with time. and someday the playing field will be leveled again.

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## Notcoolanymore

> Let's just be thankful that at the very least the technology and science will get better with time. and someday the playing field will be leveled again.


 Hopefully sooner rather than later.  None of this "end is near" crap 20 years from now.

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## lepke

Whatever you do, don't go on dating sites.


If you want bravado and machismo, here is my secret: 

Grab few bottles of bourbon, a carton of non-filtered smokes(I prefer camels). Grab bunch of books. Books you like, and fulfills you. Stay in a cabin for a week with these items. Do execrises too, work out. 

After this you will feel great. I do this once in a while. 

I'm gonna buy a country home in my home state, so I could do on my vacations and weekends.

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## fred970

^ That's some terrible advice.

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## minots143

I would highly recommend a book by Dr. David Burns who is one of the founders of cognitive therapy while at the University of Penn.  The title is Intimate Connections.  He deals with both the behavioral and cognitive aspects of finding a mate.  It is well founded in research, but written in a very layman's style.

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## Dav7

> Whatever you do, don't go on dating sites.
> 
> 
> If you want bravado and machismo, here is my secret: 
> 
> Grab few bottles of bourbon, a carton of non-filtered smokes(I prefer camels). Grab bunch of books. Books you like, and fulfills you. Stay in a cabin for a week with these items. Do execrises too, work out. 
> 
> After this you will feel great. I do this once in a while. 
> 
> I'm gonna buy a country home in my home state, so I could do on my vacations and weekends.


 
I smoke, and wouldn't encourage *anybody* to take up the habit, have tried to quit a million times already. What stupid advice  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic):

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## Notcoolanymore

The best advice for hair loss sufferers is: shave your head and get big.

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## Diffuser44

> I smoke, and wouldn't encourage *anybody* to take up the habit, have tried to quit a million times already. What stupid advice


 I can help you quit.  I've quit for 4.5 years now.  I don't even think about it anymore.

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## hellouser

Confidence doesn't mean shit. Don't let people fool you into thinking you have a chance with women because of confidence. That's just their way of giving you (false) hope to make you feel good about yourself. What attracts women are three things:

1) Looks
2) Status
3) Money

2 and 3 are interchangeable. Of course, personality will be a deal breaker as well but the first three are your foot in the door. No amount of confidence is going to change those three things though. if you're bald YOU ARE SCREWED.

You best hope you land on a woman who doesn't care for baldness or actually finds bald/shaved heads attractive... good luck with that though.

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