# Men's Hair Loss > Coping with Hair Loss in Everyday Life >  Want to shoot myself in the head

## Borntoosoon

I don't post much. I try to live my life and not think about all this. I've had roughly 1800 units, FUE (Norwood 3a) that only cost me about $15000 USD, three days of surgery (all day long each long day) and 9 months to grow in.

That was four years ago.

I'm fit, sharp, youthful, etc. but whenever I talk to women I ALWAYS catch them take a quick glance at my scalp, as if to say, 'Man, you're really interesting... Holy CRAP! HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!?!? ARE YOU ABOUT TO RETIRE? WTF? You're an old man. Nice try, but move on.'

I'm confident as well. I have no difficulty striking up a conversation with anyone, especially attractive women. 

But I'll look in the mirror and my deeper, honest self knows that the transplant makes me look like I'm balding because 50% or less of the follicles appear to have taken.


I was talking to a younger girl in the breakroom. The subject of age came up. When I asked how old she thought I looked she guess that I was actually five years older than what I am.


I played it off, but I'll be honest... later in the day I was so hurt and angry at... just life.

If I looked good with a shaved head I would do so but unfortunately it doesn't look good on me at all. The only way I can look 'normal' would be at least 10,000 units with the gamble on how many will take and a cost I can't afford at this point.

I just feel helpless against this thing we all fight. 

To any other male who says 'oh, it's no big deal.' I say how about we cut off your testicles and see if you feel the same way.

To any woman who says, 'it's no big deal', why don't we cut off a breast and see if you feel the same way.


It's bad enough that we live in this world where your acceptance requires you to be diligent about your health in ways people weren't fifty years ago, but it's just absolutely rotten that genetic disposition puts so many of us at an incredible disadvantage in life.

This will brighten your day.

I had a friend as dumb as a doorknob: perfect hair, perfect skin (naturally tan too), symmetrical face, fit body (without lifting a single weight) and terribly boring. Think he EVER had to lift a finger to find companionship?


I'm feeling in the dumps. I'll get over it (that's what we do), but man... right now I'm really hating life.

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## JohnMPB

Do u have pics of your ur hairline? I'd imagine 1800 fue performed by a decent surgeon would easily bring u back to a nw 2 as long as there was a decent survival rate of grafts?

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## michaelgranger65

Well, this is my first post on the forum even though I've been lurking on and off for a few years. I like to check in and see what's going on in the world of hair-loss from time to time. So, losing your hair sucks but as you get older you start to have more companions in that regard. I always want to tell the younger guys that irrespective of your hair situation, things get much much better in regards to your relationships with women. I don't know how old you are but I can say that age favors men in a way that it doesn't favor women. Also, women are often attracted to men many years their senior. This could be for a number of reasons, but you have to keep in mind that men are visual creatures by nature. Trust me. Women do not judge you as harshly as you judge them or yourself based on appearance. They truly are different then us and as I got older it's something I took notice of. I have so many guy friends that are totally bald and get with women all the time. Some are married, some are single but all of them do just fine.

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## GeezBeez

I'm so sorry you are feeling this much pain.  Sending you some love.

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## Artista

*Hello  Borntoosoon ...please respond to everyone here on your thread!*

There are *CARING members here* *that truly do WANT to try to help others*, especially the very young!
*
 JohnMPB, Michaelgranger65 and GeezBeez* are here to help you!!
* I am here now to try to help you as well!* 
*
How old are you now Borntoosoon?* Also, it would really help if you were to post current photos of your hair/scalp. Of course, you do NOT have to show your face on here. 
*Born' you are so very emotional right now and I am concerned for you!*
I am sure that I am so much older than you and because I am,* I do have proper foresight.*
I would never talk about or tell you anything that would be considered nonsense.
*I want to help you just as the other members on here are wanting to HELP you.*

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## Mpbman

You're putting too much into this, mate!

Of course girls check our heads (hair) - we check their breasts, legs, butts and hair too. That's perfectly natural. And if you don't want to be hurt when people tell you you look a few years older - just don't ask them. 

Sometimes it's hard to figure out someones age - maybe you just look more mature for your age and don't have a baby face like some do. 

You'll be fine - don't worry so much!

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## Artista

*Very good response here to Born' Mpbman! 

Mpbman is also showing you good commonsense in order to help you Born' !!
*
*Consider this and please respond to all of us!!*

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## Borntoosoon

Sorry for the delayed reply. I just started a new job and life has been insanely busy/stressful. I'm certain part of that falls into my post this week. I really, deeply appreciate everyone's support. Normally, my lack of hair doesn't bother me so much (I'm in my mid-40's BTW), but when an attractive girl pities me because of my hair... it just kind of hurts. I know it's foolish but I don't want to be judged solely on my hair and appearance, but so much of life is just that. For some of us, we have to try so hard just to get a foot in the door.

Living with the look of accelerated hair loss can feel emasculating. I imagine women who go through breast cancer and a mastectomy can certainly relate on some level. The trouble with hair loss is it's immediately noticeable- there's no hiding. Your vulnerabilities are right there in the open. I'm a confident person, but some days it takes a lot when I'm conscious of it all.

I'll post pics of my hairline. If I looked good with a shaved head I'd definitely go with SMP but unfortunately, I don't. If I get the money, I will very likely undergo another surgery and just keep my fingers crossed on the outcome.

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## Artista

*Hello and I am so glad to hear back from you Borntoosoon*!!

*Im also glad to read that you are in your mid-40s now!!*
With that being said, you have *better foresight available to you*.
That is because at your age, *your brain's neo-cortex* has been *fully grown* since your very early 30s. (im older than you so I know)
That being said, if there is a woman that would pity you because of your hair, then SHE POSSIBLY has a mental or emotional issue ..not you!
I know that you said~  *"it just kind of hurts"*  but you must reconsider your own emotions.
If a woman would define you and our criticize you due to your hairloss then that woman is not WORTH dealing with at all due to her own ignorance. 
*Ignorance is not meant to be a criticism, it is a lack of knowledge or consideration*.
Now, looking at your photos, (and thank you), your scalp looks somewhat like what my scalp looked like before.
Keep in mind that  in 2013, I started on Finasteride along with Biotin.
Then last year in November, *I was Dr. Wesley's Pilofocus 3rd phase test patient*.
His phase testing is all about *possible Hair Regeneration!!* 
*He also started me on Minoxidil* (November 2015)
Ive been using Finasteride, Biotin and Minoxidil and the  improvements are very positive but ongoing!!
*Also, Dr. Wesley's way of thanking me for being a phase test patient, he also did 500+ FUE grafts too!*
Please update me on exactly what you are doing now to improve your hairline..OK??
Im glad that you are 'here' bro!!

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## Borntoosoon

Thanks, Artista.

I had this long post but hit 'reply to thread' rather than 'post quick reply', so I'll keep it shorter.

After my HT I tried 10% Minoxidil all over scalp regularly, twice a day for a year and a half with absolutely no noticeable difference. I'm reluctant to try Propecia from concerns of side-effects and testosterone loss. I come here from time to time to check up on HT technology and treatment progress but haven't seen any since my HT in 2012, despite all the high hopes we all share when something comes up.

While I wait it out I tried shaving my head a couple of times but really don't have the face/head for it, so SMP is out of the question. I've tried Caboki/NanoGen on and off and it helps a little but I always feel self-conscious about it, even though I lock it down with hair spray. My skin is sensitive, so it can only take a couple of days in a row of that before breaking out very badly (and painfully).

So I'm just waiting to make enough, then save enough to do more FUE's.

That sounds like an AMAZING deal from Dr. Wesley. Wish I could have been in on that, though I'm anxious about future surgery because it took so long for my scalp to appear even half-normal after my HT- like seven months. By 'half-normal', I don't mean 'full of hair', I mean it was very read, full of scabs and just terrible looking in general- like I'd had a serious injury of sorts.


Anyway, I appreciate every bit of support here (thanks John, Michael, Geez, MPB and Artista). BTW Artista, I've always appreciated your Lennon painting. I'm guessing that's your own work. Very good stuff.

On a side note, I went to Dr. Wesley's site after seeing your post. I can't say I had trouble with scarring so much as a couple of spots from the donor site swell up painfully from time to time which never did before the surgery. I'm guessing they were caused by the surgery and may never likely be corrected. Wondering if anyone else ran into that issue.

The other thing I was curious about was whether anyone tried Dr. Oscar Klein's solutions and had any luck with them. There's another thread dedicated to it but no one ever posts pics.

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## Artista

*Great to see your response again Borntoosoon!!*
I'm quite busy right now and I certainly will respond better later on,
 (we're going on vacation)
But I'd like to thank you for your  'Lennon' painting complement!
Yes that is my painting!
I'm a professional artist (of course I still have to have my regular job too)
When John Lennon was murdered in 1980
I made a very good portrait painting of him one week after he  died! 
I was so very heartbroken!
The portrait painting  that you see here I created  of John Lennon one year after his passing, on July-1981.
Maybe sometime later I'll post the 1980 portrait John Lennon too! 
Thank you bro!!

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## michaelgranger65

I've been thinking about your original post a bit and I have to say that it's pretty fcked up that she said that to you. Imagine if you went up to a girl and said "Oh, you are so fat and have all those wrinkles around your eyes. It must be hard to meet a man carrying around all that extra weight and looking so old." If you said that to her she would probably have a mental breakdown. It's easy to tear someone down. I'm also glad to hear that you are in the same age range as some of us. I'm in my late 30's and most of the guys I know have some degree of hair loss. All I know is that women who judge men by those very unrealistic standards end with a few cats and a lot of regrets. Anyway, I want to also let you know that I take Dutasteride on a daily basis and have been on that for several years now. Prior to that I was taking Propecia. Neither of these medications has affected my libido in the slightest and I've basically stopped losing hair. I can even gain hair depending on my Dutasteride dosing. The cost of this medication keeps me in the .5 to 1.5mg range as a daily regiment. 
Also, I've been losing hair since I was 15, so the process for me has been a lifelong adventure. But it's totally ok! The only time it's ever affected me is when I let it affect me. So I definitely don't want anyone here to feel like the dread of hairloss stays with you forever. Especially for guys! I find it weird if you don't lose any hair!

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## GNX

how much donor hair do u have left and wat about beard and chest hair how much u got? post some pix of the back of ur head

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## pkipling

Hey man. Good to see you're getting positive support and hopefully a new perspective. I'm sure every single one of us have been where you are at some point, whether it be about our hair or any other number of things that can make us insecure in this world - so you're definitely not alone. (And for what it's worth, I bet even you're "physically perfect" friend has these moments too where he feels crappy and insecure.)

May I play devil's advocate and be blunt for a moment? (And if this is totally off base, just ignore this - but I promise my intentions are good). I noticed in your original post two things that stood out to me when explaining your insecurities. One was that you have no problem talking to "attractive" women... And the other stemmed from a conversation you had with a "younger" girl. The only reason I bring this up is because I wonder if there's a part of you that is getting in your own way when it comes to finding love and happiness. This is extremely common, and something we're all capable of doing if we're not aware of it. Because here's the thing - the way you describe yourself otherwise (fit, sharp, youthful) tells me that you would be a good catch for someone. I know tons of guys who are overweight and bald and rude and THEY have significant others... Or guys that aren't that smart that have significant others.... My point is that there's someone/many people out there for every single one of us. This is a big world with lots of fish in the sea. And I may be wrong, but I wonder if a part of you is too focused on the young and pretty girls that you end up being judgmental to the girls who are "older and less attractive", just like you say the young and pretty ones are to you. I wonder if there's just a little bit of truth in that (and it's totally natural if there is - wouldn't make you a bad guy, just a normal one). This is in no way to say that you're a judgmental asshole, but it is something we all have to be aware of. What if there's a great girl out there for you that you're completely writing off because she's not attractive enough? Wouldn't you then be doing the same thing to them that you're accusing these younger, attractive girls of doing?

Who knows - you may be going after these "older, less attractive" girls and getting rejected as well - in which case, disregard everything I said. But based on the information you gave, it may be something worth looking into. And you may be the only one standing in the way of you and your next big love affair.  :Smile: 

*I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.*

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## sanook

Thanks for posting, Borntoosoon.

Like yourself, I can't shave my head - the huge bump I have on my head along with my pointy ears just doesn't work. Maybe I could go into acting - I'd make a great bald Captain Spock!

I understand the social complications you have to deal with, especially attracting women. It sucks, but for me there's a lot more to life than finding a female. I try to appreciate my single life and the freedom I have. Hobbies are a great way of keeping me busy. Personally I love photography and it encourages me to get out and travel more. Travelling to exotic places is a real eye opener and I often find it brings me down to earth a bit.  I also try to eat well and keep active - which is good for keeping your spirits up and it certainly won't do your hair any harm either.

Stay safe and take care.

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## BeaveCake

> Well, this is my first post on the forum even though I've been lurking on and off for a few years. I like to check in and see what's going on in the world of hair-loss from time to time. So, losing your hair sucks but as you get older you start to have more companions in that regard. I always want to tell the younger guys that irrespective of your hair situation, things get much much better in regards to your relationships with women. I don't know how old you are but I can say that age favors men in a way that it doesn't favor women. Also, women are often attracted to men many years their senior. This could be for a number of reasons, but you have to keep in mind that men are visual creatures by nature. Trust me. Women do not judge you as harshly as you judge them or yourself based on appearance. They truly are different then us and as I got older it's something I took notice of. I have so many guy friends that are totally bald and get with women all the time. Some are married, some are single but all of them do just fine.


  Are you implying women 18-24 years old dislike a shaved bald head? That is false.

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## BeaveCake

> Hey man. Good to see you're getting positive support and hopefully a new perspective. I'm sure every single one of us have been where you are at some point, whether it be about our hair or any other number of things that can make us insecure in this world - so you're definitely not alone. (And for what it's worth, I bet even you're "physically perfect" friend has these moments too where he feels crappy and insecure.)
> 
> May I play devil's advocate and be blunt for a moment? (And if this is totally off base, just ignore this - but I promise my intentions are good). I noticed in your original post two things that stood out to me when explaining your insecurities. One was that you have no problem talking to "attractive" women... And the other stemmed from a conversation you had with a "younger" girl. The only reason I bring this up is because I wonder if there's a part of you that is getting in your own way when it comes to finding love and happiness. This is extremely common, and something we're all capable of doing if we're not aware of it. Because here's the thing - the way you describe yourself otherwise (fit, sharp, youthful) tells me that you would be a good catch for someone. I know tons of guys who are overweight and bald and rude and THEY have significant others... Or guys that aren't that smart that have significant others.... My point is that there's someone/many people out there for every single one of us. This is a big world with lots of fish in the sea. And I may be wrong, but I wonder if a part of you is too focused on the young and pretty girls that you end up being judgmental to the girls who are "older and less attractive", just like you say the young and pretty ones are to you. I wonder if there's just a little bit of truth in that (and it's totally natural if there is - wouldn't make you a bad guy, just a normal one). This is in no way to say that you're a judgmental asshole, but it is something we all have to be aware of. What if there's a great girl out there for you that you're completely writing off because she's not attractive enough? Wouldn't you then be doing the same thing to them that you're accusing these younger, attractive girls of doing?
> 
> Who knows - you may be going after these "older, less attractive" girls and getting rejected as well - in which case, disregard everything I said. But based on the information you gave, it may be something worth looking into. And you may be the only one standing in the way of you and your next big love affair. 
> 
> *I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.*


 There's nothing wrong with needing and expecting an attractive girl, looks are step one, bald guys can still get 7-10 range looking girls if they shave or at least keep it very short.

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## AlexieJ

Seems like you are saying you are confident but in reality you have doubts which contribute to low self-esteem. There are so many procedures you can try today and the best thing to do is talk to your doctor for now to give you proper advises on which kind of procedure is just right for you in the future.

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## BeaveCake

> Seems like you are saying you are confident but in reality you have doubts which contribute to low self-esteem. There are so many procedures you can try today and the best thing to do is talk to your doctor for now to give you proper advises on which kind of procedure is just right for you in the future.


  Where do you see the doubts? I posted a question to which I knew the answer to, I told them when I first noticed my hair was going (from shock slope is mind you my body lost hair as well luckily kept eyebrows so no, no treatment) I was nervous yes, but when I shaved my head and seen how well I looked bald? I didn't care, I was free and the best part is now that I know I look young shaved bald I'll stay looking 21-22 unless I wrinkle early or something. Point is; my hair doesn't bug me and I posted to try to get some hope to those guys here who are young losing hair, telling them not to buy into the garbage that many of these guys slew about hair loss being the end all etc. also you replied to something else about my age compared to women's? I don't get that as I'm 20 myself and look 22 ish so I don't look old but I didn't understand your point there. Anyway I came on here to give other young guys hope and show them bald is nowhere near what so many defeatists here say. True I only log on once a year but hey, haha so if I don't reply that's why, I don't have time for pity parties some guys like Fred cry about on here. Not saying you do I don't know you but you get my point, my non responsiveness is not because of a lack of confidence haha. Believe me you don't become one of the youngest skydivers in your state by being meek and self conscious.

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## BeaveCake

Also realized you may not have been replying to me, my bad my browser notified me strangely.

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## richter101

Hey.. That's wack man. I'm sorry to hear. But in my opinion you got jipped.. :-/ My surgeon did 2200 with FUE and in 1 day. And it was less than 15k (in Beverly Hills!!)  I suggest doing a TON of research.  Don't lose hope, just go for Round 2!! Play your cards wisely. Good luck!

*Richter101 is a former patient of Dr. Parsa Mohebi
*
Born Oct 89
Began Seeing Gradual Hair Loss Oct 09
Began Seeing Gradual Hair Gain June 15

My regimen includes:
HT #1 2200 (ARTAS- FUE) grafts at Parsa Mohebi Hair Restoration in Los Angeles in 2016
Finasteride daily, since 2014
Rogaine experimenter from 2012- 13 RIP

Planning HT #2 By End of This Year  :Smile:

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## GNX

you say as tho you got a great deal! dude if u paid almost $15k for 2200 grafts then you were takn to the cleaners and got jipped.... and its NOT somthn I wud be braggn about.




> Hey.. That's wack man. I'm sorry to hear. But in my opinion you got jipped.. :-/ My surgeon did 2200 with FUE and in 1 day. And it was less than 15k (in Beverly Hills!!)  I suggest doing a TON of research.  Don't lose hope, just go for Round 2!! Play your cards wisely. Good luck!
> 
> *Richter101 is a former patient of Dr. Parsa Mohebi
> *
> Born Oct ’89
> Began Seeing Gradual Hair Loss Oct ’09
> Began Seeing Gradual Hair Gain June ’15
> 
> My regimen includes:
> ...

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## ShooterMcGavin

Hi Borntosoon. I see I'm quite late to this party. I signed up to this forum myself only 30 minutes ago and wanted to start a topic, but yours caught my attention and I've read every comment in detail. I find your post very entriguing. You made an interesting point about confidence and personality and I believe you have both. Both shine through in your post, you seem like a funny guy. I believe there is a common misconception that not liking something about yourself means you have no confidence. I can honestly say I have never had any problems with attracting girls or achieving my work goals, but I hated my hairline and wanted to do something about it. My point is that while it is probably all in your head that the girl was checking out your hair - your paranoia is not likely to go away until you are feeling right/good about it. There are some great people on here commenting, offering support and advice. I like them really wish you well and hope you get the results you are looking for one day.

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## k9gatton

Funny you should ask that. I've actually tried Susan Mernsteins formula. She used to be Dr. Klein's pharmacist. And I'm using thirty percent Minoxidil, combined with .1% Finasteride and .5% Progesterone. And I have pictures. This was from medicalwellnesscenter.

Also, I have a friend who is using Dr. Klein's formula, and is happy with that as well. Although he has been using it for less than a month now.

FYI: I am in my mid/late forties. Been balding since my twenties.

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## sayian

Shave it, even if you look odd as bald, you will look younger.

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## royall93

Bro you 40yrs Old thats so calm - its an expected look for a guy your age . I hope I still have some hair at 40

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## BaldBearded

I would just buzz it short, and save your $$ for something worthwhile... like retirement or charity.

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## JustShaveIt

F*ck it and shave it.

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## DAVE52

> F*ck it and shave it.


 agree
Your head shape looks fine

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## Simar

sad to know but everything will be fine. Don't give up life .

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## MostlyIrish

> I've been thinking about your original post a bit and I have to say that it's pretty fcked up that she said that to you. Imagine if you went up to a girl and said "Oh, you are so fat and have all those wrinkles around your eyes. It must be hard to meet a man carrying around all that extra weight and looking so old." If you said that to her she would probably have a mental breakdown. It's easy to tear someone down. I'm also glad to hear that you are in the same age range as some of us. I'm in my late 30's and most of the guys I know have some degree of hair loss. All I know is that women who judge men by those very unrealistic standards end with a few cats and a lot of regrets. Anyway, I want to also let you know that I take Dutasteride on a daily basis and have been on that for several years now. Prior to that I was taking Propecia. Neither of these medications has affected my libido in the slightest and I've basically stopped losing hair. I can even gain hair depending on my Dutasteride dosing. The cost of this medication keeps me in the .5 to 1.5mg range as a daily regiment. 
> Also, I've been losing hair since I was 15, so the process for me has been a lifelong adventure. But it's totally ok! The only time it's ever affected me is when I let it affect me. So I definitely don't want anyone here to feel like the dread of hairloss stays with you forever. Especially for guys! I find it weird if you don't lose any hair!


 I gotta say this isn't helpful. It's not easy to tear someone down it's easy to lack perception and allow people to tear you down. Some of the most confident people in the world would be considered extremely ugly by today's standards. The fact is we emphasize looks too much when we all die we decompose the same and we will miss life being overly focused on or short comings. For Christ sake people are born without legs, people are porn worn physical deformities and they carry through life. The key is to find your niche in life chase it not vanity Or women and you will meet the right person along the way. I'm not saying we all wouldn't have looked better with a full head of hair but I don't think this women was trying to hurt you. I joke about my grey hairs and thin hair and I'm not even 30. If someone mentions it doesn't bother me in the slightest. It did when I was 19 but that was 10 years ago and I focus on my positive attributes instead. Anyways hair loss does suck I doubt about it but so many things suck more like cancer, which I had at 23 and really made me let go of hair loss bothering me. I do my best to maintain it. If a cure really came I would use it but In the mean time I do things I love to do.

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## jackindia

Its really horrible to observe such posts in the various forums

Why don't you believe in the nature as much as you believe in the medicines and surgeries 

Getting hair back is a very normal and easy process.  Don't make it more complicated,  don't get confused.  

I posted the procedure in my own thread.  Just give a try and Im telling you that you will get back  your hair for sure.

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## Recedingcrew

I wouldn't wish balding on my worst enemy.

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