# Other Discussions > Hair Loss Rants >  How do you do it?!?!

## jamesst11

:Mad: 

I have been chatting on facebook with this super cute girl I went to high school with.  We were always into each other and I am finding her more and more amazing.  We share poetry, music, kind words and all these wonderful lovely things.  But how?  How when you have such horrible hair and a head disfigured from a transplant do you pursue a relationship?  It has gotten so bad that I can barely stand to be seen in front of strangers.  How do I hang out with her?  How do I even invite her over?  I don't understand how anyone that has been through this can cope, in society I mean.  I have just lost so much of myself and don't know what to do.  Shave it?  I think I would look 40 and have a huge scar on my head.  cut it short?  wouldn't look normal - the native thinner hair and the thick 2 and 3 unit graphs.  Continue to comb it over and hide the poorly spaced transplants at my hair line and more and more look like Donald f*cking Trump.  

     There is no solution.  At least not right now.  I am such a good guy and always have been and have so much to offer someone, that being completely f*cked from one mistake seems like a horrendously cruel punishment from some God.  I have been drinking and this is my rant.  At least I feel comfortable and accepted on here.  What the hell do I do?  I am exhausted all the time.  I am anxious all the time.  This is against my nature because.  I have never been like this.  If this annoying ranting serves as anything right now, let it be this - THINK HARD AND DO RESEARCH before getting a damn HT.

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## Vic

There are people living with bigger issues then hair loss. Once you realize you're lucky for only having hair loss you become a man and stop crying and whining over cosmetics.

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## Fingolfin

> There are people living with bigger issues then hair loss. Once you realize you're lucky for only having hair loss you become a man and stop crying and whining over cosmetics.


 There are indeed bigger issues than hairloss, but that doesn't invalidate his feelings. Hairloss can be devastating.

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## jamesst11

> There are people living with bigger issues then hair loss. Once you realize you're lucky for only having hair loss you become a man and stop crying and whining over cosmetics.


 posts like this are useless and friggin ignorant. You dont know what the hell else I'm living with and what I've encountered in my life

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## Vic

> posts like this are useless and friggin ignorant. You dont know what the hell else I'm living with and what I've encountered in my life


 The only thing ignorant about that post is not understanding it and not learning from it. Whatever happened in your life, I bet there are billions of people who would switch places with you in a heart beat. Stay strong brothers, don't let something that doesn't really matter affect who and what you are. The day you "give up" and accept yourself, is the day you gain everything you think you'd lost.

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## MrBald

I am working on finding other values in life, that doesn't involve my physical appearance. But its hard, very hard.

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## Vic

> I am working on finding other values in life, that doesn't involve my physical appearance. But its hard, very hard.


 Very true, I struggled for years before I had enough of the self pity party. Nothing in life is easy and like every hard thing the best approach is baby steps. For starters, when you look in the mirror think about your qualities instead of your hair. Eventually you start to feel the need to improve what you can control about yourself instead of dwelling on our self imposed flaws. 

I'm still going to do everything reasonably possible to get my hair back but hair doesn't make me a man, everything else about me makes me a man. 

It's a hard road but nothing worth something is easy and our worth is more than our hair!

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## jamesst11

> Very true, I struggled for years before I had enough of the self pity party. Nothing in life is easy and like every hard thing the best approach is baby steps. For starters, when you look in the mirror think about your qualities instead of your hair. Eventually you start to feel the need to improve what you can control about yourself instead of dwelling on our self imposed flaws. 
> 
> I'm still going to do everything reasonably possible to get my hair back but hair doesn't make me a man, everything else about me makes me a man. 
> 
> It's a hard road but nothing worth something is easy and our worth is more than our hair!


 Hey Vic,
    These are good words brother.  Much appreciated.  I am slowly coming into the acceptance phase, and that phase is complete freedom.  I used to be so confident and this has destroyed that, like a missile to a brick wall.. the good thing is, that all the bricks are still there and I just need to start putting them back together.  Disfigurement is hard, especially when you're used to a life without it... but then again, I just read an article about a fire fighter, who's entire face melted trying to save people.  I don't know how the f*ck he did it, he looked horrendous... but he did.

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## Vic

James. I've read a lot of your posts. I know what you've been thru and I know it must be extra painful for you. Glad to hear you're beginning to accept the past and working towards the future. 
I really liked your bricks metaphor. It really fits perfectly." Building yourself back up one brick at a time. "

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## HTsoon

James have you considered a hair system? Before you trash it, I would seriously look into it. There are good systems out there that look amazing and very natural. 

I will say though, James there's no use in beating yourself up or hating what's happned to you. I was probably 10x more bald than you are right now and at a much younger age. Did I feel angry yes, but at some point you need to stop and do something about it, find a solution. One would be a hair system another would be smp, a third would be a FUE of body hair in to the strip scar and shave your head. I also don't think shaving your head necessarily makes you look 40. I think shaving makes you look younger than thinning just my opinion.

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