# Men's Hair Loss > Coping with Hair Loss in Everyday Life >  Is there anyway to explain hairloss...

## john2399

to like a mother or a friend. Im 19 and my mother thinks im being a baby about this whole thing but i always tell her you have know idea what im going through. Is it possible to explain this disease..i really dont think it is unless you lived it.

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## 25 going on 65

Many people just aren't capable of understanding without having lived it themselves. They literally don't have the mental tools, no matter how well you explain yourself.

If your mom has ever experienced significant disfigurement, from an accident or medical issue or whatever, you can compare your hair loss to that. If she hasn't, you basically just have to spell it out, possibly Scorpion-style.

Explain to her that you, like many other men AND women, have a condition where your body is irreversibly disfiguring itself (irreversible for now, anyway). Depression is a natural reaction to this, just as you would be depressed if you were disfigured in a fire or by flesh-eating bacteria.
If she tries to tell you not to be a "baby," or to "get over it," you tell her that she has never lived through anything like this, so she doesn't know what she's talking about. She may try to argue and bring up deaths of her family and friends, or other tragic things like that. At that point you simply tell her that none of those things are even similar. (It's not that MPB is worse than those things--it's that it's totally different, and therefore she cannot identify with anyone experiencing such a problem.)
You can also bring up the fact that she and your dad chose to roll the dice by having a kid, knowing that their genes had a strong possibility of forming a person who is significantly screwed up in some way (be it down syndrome or, in this case, androgenetic alopecia). In that sense you can tell her she owes you understanding, as well as material support in addressing your problems. (Would they neglect to treat you if you were born with, say, webbed toes?)

Of course, there's a good chance none of this will help her understand anything. That's our plight when talking to non-balding people.

However, I did seem to get through one friend's head by saying, "imagine you had a condition where one of your most readily-visible body parts was progressively becoming more deformed, with no current treatment able to reverse it. Imagine that the way others perceive you becomes totally different within a few years. Now, how long would you want to live that life? Would you really want to stick around to old age?" I think she got it.

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## 25 going on 65

....That was probably more negative than it should have been. I'm actually in a bad mood today over the very thing you're asking about.  Hopefully someone will give better advice.

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## john2399

Its not an easy question dnt wry bout it

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## DepressedByHairLoss

> ....That was probably more negative than it should have been. I'm actually in a bad mood today over the very thing you're asking about.  Hopefully someone will give better advice.


 Actually, that is very good advice and a very informative post.  I would use a lot of your points when trying to convey to some one else the utter devastation that hair loss causes.  I too have trouble trying to convey to non hair loss sufferers the misery and depression of hair loss, but they almost never seem to get it.  And the worst thing is when they give such garbage advice like "accept it and adapt to it" or "hair does not make the man".  You very accurately state that baldness is "your body irreversibly disfiguring itself", you really hit the nail on the head.  When I try to explain the devastation of hair loss to other people, I simply state that baldness is a "hugely negative change to a person's appearance".  I tell them that my looks mean the world to me and now they're eroding because of hair loss.  And if they somehow try and tell that having a full head of hair does not make a person attractive, I ask them "then how come hair restoration is a multi-billion dollar business, even when the options are very minimal and ineffective?".  I find it so contradictory when other people tell me that hair loss is not a big deal, yet they dye their gray hair or undergo all kinds of aesthetic treatments to beautify themselves.

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## clandestine

Having to deal with a sense of loss is no doubt devastating, and in any respect; whatever that loss may be .

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## dda

To John2399,

I hate bringing it up to my mom, but the few times i have she always pulls the same shit, saying how I should " be focused on more important things..." Really?  I am 23 (started losing around 19 I think).  Well mom at ****ing 23, having good hair and confidence in your daily life is pretty damn important and I know most people on here would agree.  I know if I had hair, id be able to talk to pretty much any attractive woman, as I did before I started balding.  Now i feel like i avoid eye contact with attractive women because I don't want to see how they react when they notice I am balding.    Its just something you can't understand if you don't have to deal with it.  In pretty much each of my groups of friends,(meaning guys around my age) I am basically the ONLY ONE who has diffuse thinning and very thin hair at the vertex. (one other guy I know has high temple recession but still thick at the vertex)  I would have never dreamed how much this drammatically changed my life over the past year now.  I now hesitate going out to places, where I may be meeting new people.  If I do, I wear a hat if its appropriate.  I worry about them making comments about it in front of the whole group, and being the joke of the night.

I completely know how you feel man.

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## chrisis

> to like a mother or a friend. Im 19 and my mother thinks im being a baby about this whole thing but i always tell her you have know idea what im going through. Is it possible to explain this disease..i really dont think it is unless you lived it.


 My Dad got it, because he went through it and empathised. My Mum didn't, but then she related it to a breast reduction surgery she had, and realised it mustn't be nice. I'd suggest you try to relate it in some way like that. Ask her how she'd feel if she lost her hair, and don't allow her to suggest it's different just because you're a man. Vanity is just as pervasive in men as it is in women.

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## chrisis

Further, I want to add that it's not really her fault that she doesn't get it. Society seems to enjoy mocking men when they're genuinely ill, e.g. man flu. I don't know why it is but it pisses me off. Women generally take more sick days than men and you'll find yourself outnumbered at any doctor's surgery.

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## 2020

> Tell her hair loss is what happens when God hates you. Ask her how she would feel if she knew that God hated her.
> 
> Pretty bad, that's what.


 man I thought you was dead...

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## yeahyeahyeah

> I have been busy in real-life. Now that I'm on fin, minox, and Nizoral (niz twice weekly 2%), there isn't much left to do. When I get more time I'll try to come back and post about my emotions and hair loss.


 Are you maintaining - regrown?

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## howardroarke

I find it hard to discuss about my hairloss with anyone in real life especially with those who haven't experienced it .Whenever I tried , I somehow got a feeling that some of them.. they were secretly taking pleasure out of hearing my condition. May be 'coz I am not going to die like if I have cancer ,but I would start looking funnier as time goes on. For them ,It's like getting kicks out of killing a character in a video game .. or let your sims character commit suicide (yes I am 25 and I paly sims.. sucks..ikr  :Embarrassment: ) 

It feels bad to know that no matter what success you get.. there are not many who envy and aspire to be you. In the end.. it's a balding man with a trophy.

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## moore

> I find it hard to discuss about my hairloss with anyone in real life especially with those who haven't experienced it .Whenever I tried , I somehow got a feeling that some of them.. they were secretly taking pleasure out of hearing my condition.


 It's sad to admit that, the more I look apprehensive with some people about hairloss, the more I feel "weak" in a social way.

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## gmonasco

> I find it hard to discuss about my hairloss with anyone in real life especially with those who haven't experienced it .Whenever I tried , I somehow got a feeling that some of them.. they were secretly taking pleasure out of hearing my condition. May be 'coz I am not going to die like if I have cancer ,but I would start looking funnier as time goes on.


 I think it's difficult to discuss the subject of hair loss with people who haven't experienced it themselves because they have no idea what to say about it.  People generally know what to say when someone confides in them about a divorce, a death in the family, a serious medical issue, financial difficulties, job loss, or related issues even if they haven't been through those things themselves.  But what do you say to someone struggling with hair loss?  You're basically commenting on the subject of someone's physical appearance, which is a pretty uncomfortable subject and which there are strong social taboos against.

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