# Men's Hair Loss > Coping with Hair Loss in Everyday Life >  Baldness and anger

## MrBald

I am noticing that everytime my I get this feelings of anxiety/depression/despair/anger over my baldness, I at the same time become angry on my family and sometimes friends. Angry about things that for example have happened long time ago? Sometimes I dont even know why I am being angry at them, rationally thinking I cant hold them responsible for my hairloss?

I wonder if any of you also experience this?

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## jamesst11

Losing your hair is like losing your identity.  Like losing your youth.  I don't give a f*ck what any one says, it is the hardest thing any man can deal with.  Perhaps if you are 6'2", have a flawless face, are tan, have a perfect head shape and a ripped body... then you'll simply worry LESS, because you have so much confidence in other areas.  For me, I would SERIOUSLY rather have some horrible, deadly disease then be experiencing the hair loss I am right now.  SERIOUSLY.  God, give me a deadly disease and a full head of hair, and i will be happier.  I know it sounds sick, but I pray for this.  I hate not being able to recognize myself in the mirror.  I hate how quickly this has happened to me.  I f*cking hate wearing hairspray every day and being afraid of the wind and rain and sun and lights .... So... my point is... this type of mental torment can definitely lead to depression and apathy, which are like the food for anger.   My brother called me today and said, "my gf is worried about you.  you seem fine to me, but she keeps saying, you're chronically depressed"... I wanted to yell at him with every bone in my body, "**** yes I am I hate myself, I hate the way I look.  I hate my hair!!!" .... but, when you say it to yourself it sounds ridiculous.  "I am so depressed and sad and angry because of my hair"... I just can't say it to anyone, except for on these forums.

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## fred970

People will deadly diseases usually do quite fine, that's why I hate when they are used as examples or courage.

Take HIV for example, you still look like yourself, no one could tell you are sick, and most importantly, unless it was passed by your mother, you'd be responsible for contracting the disease.

Same with heart disease, diabetes and many other things considered worse. Give me a break, with those ailments, you may be sick, but at least you don't look like it, you're still yourself.

I had this debate with a friend who had type 1 diabetes, and there's no debate to be had really, hair loss is worse. 

But there he was complaining about having two shots a day and feeling tired sometimes.

Seriously? And this guy had the nerve to trivialize hair loss, "my father is bald and if it happens to me, I'll just get a hair transplant!" Because they think it's that f-ing simple!

Hair loss and severe facial burns are the worst thing that can happen to a human being, anything that alters your identity for the worse. Silent disease and physical suffering are a walk in the park.

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## 25 going on 65

HIV is extremely bad because it ruins your sex life so I would put it on a similar level w/ balding. 

In fact this is THE main reason why hair loss is terrible, it kills your sexual identity which is the most important part of your identity as a human being. Some will want to disagree but if they think through it for a second they will realize that most of what they do & care about comes down to sex/love/dating

But yeah I agree, in general invisible diseases are much much better to have than disfigurement

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## 25 going on 65

> I am noticing that everytime my I get this feelings of anxiety/depression/despair/anger over my baldness, I at the same time become angry on my family and sometimes friends. Angry about things that for example have happened long time ago? Sometimes I dont even know why I am being angry at them, rationally thinking I cant hold them responsible for my hairloss?
> 
> I wonder if any of you also experience this?


 Yes this has happened to me many times. This shitty nature of this problem can make you angry at the world & the slightest thing will trigger you even if it is only a thought/memory. But as jamesst11 says, you can not tell people it is because of hair loss unless you want them to think you are being ridiculous

How would any of these people react to disfigurement at a young age? you have the right to be furious, sad, bitter, indifferent or w/e you feel about this disease

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## Vic

Get a grip fellas. Im sure anyone with HIV would trade places with a balding man any day of the week. 
When you get over the initial depression associated with hair loss, your life will go on, you'll find love and live your life to the fullest. 
The sooner you accept what you have no control over, the sooner things get better. Good luck balding brothers, your life is in your hands, live it to the fullest.

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## IAMX

this post made me finally join...

I know it's hard, and as I write this to you all I'm also writing to myself.
I went through most of life hating the way I looked, acne, crooked teeth, lanky body... Acne finally cleared up, I finally got braces and have them off now.  
I was finally happy with how I looked (FINALLY) for a few years as my hair has been saying bye-bye slowly... Hate looking in the mirror sometimes after a shower or in the morning.

I'm 33/m, my boyfriend of 14 years with a beautiful lion's mane came down with a bad case of stage 4 cancer exactly one year ago.
I was supposed to go bald before him, he went through radiation, almost died and lost ALL of his hair in a matter of 2 months.  He didn't complain once about his hair.  It has since grown back after half a year of being bald, though it's grown back darker and coarse like lamb's wool.  He's lucky to be alive right now.

People are born without hair.

People are born without limbs, or disfigured. 

Some people are born dead.

I know its hard, but try to keep a large perspective on what we all have, as well as don't have.

I have good days and bad days, and like I said i'm writing this to myself and you.
I pray pray pray someone will FINALLY come up with a cure, and soon, but until then I have a little faith that Transplants will help a lot of us.

LETS KEEP OUR HEADS UP  :Cool:

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## Follisket

Anger? Hahah, that's cute. Try rage, try fury. Broken plates and glasses, random bursts of madness, smashing stuff against the wall/floor, breaking things just so I don't take it out on myself. The many times a sick little part of me is strongly tempted to bald-shame my own family members and their loser genes out of sheer misery and resentment, knowing it was them that passed this wretched sickness onto me.

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## fred970

> this post made me finally join...
> 
> I know it's hard, and as I write this to you all I'm also writing to myself.
> I went through most of life hating the way I looked, acne, crooked teeth, lanky body... Acne finally cleared up, I finally got braces and have them off now.  
> I was finally happy with how I looked (FINALLY) for a few years as my hair has been saying bye-bye slowly... Hate looking in the mirror sometimes after a shower or in the morning.
> 
> I'm 33/m, my boyfriend of 14 years with a beautiful lion's mane came down with a bad case of stage 4 cancer exactly one year ago.
> I was supposed to go bald before him, he went through radiation, almost died and lost ALL of his hair in a matter of 2 months.  He didn't complain once about his hair.  It has since grown back after half a year of being bald, though it's grown back darker and coarse like lamb's wool.  He's lucky to be alive right now.
> 
> ...


 What NW are you?

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## Hairmore

> this post made me finally join...
> 
> I know it's hard, and as I write this to you all I'm also writing to myself.
> I went through most of life hating the way I looked, acne, crooked teeth, lanky body... Acne finally cleared up, I finally got braces and have them off now.  
> I was finally happy with how I looked (FINALLY) for a few years as my hair has been saying bye-bye slowly... Hate looking in the mirror sometimes after a shower or in the morning.
> 
> I'm 33/m, my boyfriend of 14 years with a beautiful lion's mane came down with a bad case of stage 4 cancer exactly one year ago.
> I was supposed to go bald before him, he went through radiation, almost died and lost ALL of his hair in a matter of 2 months.  He didn't complain once about his hair.  It has since grown back after half a year of being bald, though it's grown back darker and coarse like lamb's wool.  He's lucky to be alive right now.
> 
> ...


 Thanks a lot. Your post puts things into perspective.

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## fred970

> Thanks a lot. Your post puts things into perspective.


 Always the NW1-2's who think they have so much perspective regarding baldness, which they've never even experienced.

Come back when you're NW5 IAMX, and we'll see if you hold the same positive discourse then.

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## DepressedByHairLoss

> Always the NW1-2's who think they have so much perspective regarding baldness, which they've never even experienced.
> 
> Come back when you're NW5 IAMX, and we'll see if you hold the same positive discourse then.


 +100.  It's ALWAYS the people with the least amount of hair loss (barely even noticeable, if at all) who say things like "chill out brah" or "get a grip".  They have NO IDEA because they have never lived through true baldness.

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## ThisSucksDude

> Always the NW1-2's who think they have so much perspective regarding baldness, which they've never even experienced.
> 
> Come back when you're NW5 IAMX, and we'll see if you hold the same positive discourse then.


 would you say being an NW5 is a major difference than being an NW 2.5/3?

because my hairline looks like this:



Which to me at 22/23/24 is hideous and I have no choice but to shave my head everyday and even though I shave my head you can still very easily see my disgusting hairline, it's as if I didn't shave my head at all. I know as a pure skinhead I would look different but I don't know if better or worse.

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## jamesst11

> would you say being an NW5 is a major difference than being an NW 2.5/3?
> 
> because my hairline looks like this:
> 
> 
> 
> Which to me at 22/23/24 is hideous and I have no choice but to shave my head everyday and even though I shave my head you can still very easily see my disgusting hairline, it's as if I didn't shave my head at all. I know as a pure skinhead I would look different but I don't know if better or worse.


 If your hairline looks like this, you should rock the mohawk dude!  :Big Grin:

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## IAMX

> Always the NW1-2's who think they have so much perspective regarding baldness, which they've never even experienced.
> 
> Come back when you're NW5 IAMX, and we'll see if you hold the same positive discourse then.


 God i'm ****ing sick of hierarchy bullshit on online community forums. **** off you bitter troll. 
 I was just sharing and trying to help, but that means nothing to an NW-elitist douche-bag like you, your bitterness shines more than your head ever will Fred.  
You've inspired me to never be like you when I do reach your '100% down-to-earth oh-so-real genuine' level of NW.

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## fred970

> God i'm ****ing sick of hierarchy bullshit on online community forums. **** off you bitter troll. 
>  I was just sharing and trying to help, but that means nothing to an NW-elitist douche-bag like you, your bitterness shines more than your head ever will Fred.  
> You've inspired me to never be like you when I do reach your '100% down-to-earth oh-so-real genuine' level of NW.


 Wait until you're bald. You will wish you could delete those "uplifting" posts.

Of course I'm bitter, because that's what true baldness does to a human being.

You will become like me whether you want it or not.

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## IAMX

> Wait until you're bald. You will wish you could delete those "uplifting" posts.
> 
> Of course I'm bitter, because that's what true baldness does to a human being.
> 
> You will become like me whether you want it or not.


 I'll make it a point never to be like you, thanks  :Wink: 
enjoy your misery Fred.

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## Follisket

Moreso in defense of the truth than fred: misery is still preferable to delusion.

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## jamesst11

this is not so black and white...there are people with full heads of hair that will know a depression greater than any of us ever could fathom.  To deny this fact is delusional.  It's brain chemistry, it's biochemical. "Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"

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## fred970

> I'll make it a point never to be like you, thanks 
> enjoy your misery Fred.


 What makes you think I'm miserable? I'm not. And my life was alright when I was bald too.

I was only miserable when:

- A girl told me she could not be with a bald guy
- A girlfriend would leave me for a NW1
- People threw jokes at me for being bald
- People asked me if I had cancer or some harsh disease
- I remembered I was inferior to the other young guys with hair
- I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself.
- I thought about all the things I could have lived if I still had a full head of hair, that will now never happen. A youth never truly lived.
- I had to be on medication and to be hospitalized because the above became unbearable.

Other than that, I still had a good life overall. 

Hair loss doesn't prevent you from laughing and having a great time with your friends, or having short-term relationships until the girl realizes she's dating an inferior man.

Fast forward after my successful hair transplant: all the things cited above disappeared. I haven't taken an antidepressant in 3 years (had never took them before hair loss by the way).

Life is quite good, when you (look like you) have hair on your head. When you don't, you can still be relatively OK, if you can deal with all the above.

Also: I'm 6'3, I have the perfect head shape for being bald, and I'm not bad looking. Most balding guys don't have these advantages.

Try being 5'7, with a weird head shape and average-looking. What are your uplifting advices for these guys?




> this is not so black and white...there are people with full heads of hair that will know a depression greater than any of us ever could fathom.  To deny this fact is delusional.  *It's brain chemistry, it's biochemical.* "Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"


 Wrong, I had never seen the inside of a psychiatrist's office before hair loss hit me at the age of 19. (16 in fact, but it took me 3 years to notice it).

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## MrBald

I agree with you Jamesst11. Balding is among the hardest things. What NW are you?

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## MrBald

I am glad that I at least have you guys on this forum, that can relate to this hell we are all facing... 

And I am glad for those of you who manage to cope with it, personally I just can't.

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## fred970

> I am glad that I at least have you guys on this forum, that can relate to this hell we are all facing... 
> 
> And I am glad for those of you who manage to cope with it, personally I just can't.


 No one can deal with it, those who pretend not to care are either NW1-2, or extremely delusional.

I've met countless guys in real life who pretended to be "alpha males" who didn't give a sh*t about their hair loss.

Yet don't ask them to remove their hats... at night! Or don't ask them why there is no picture of them after hair loss on their Facebook.

They always crack though, and reveal they spent a fortune in snake oil to treat their hair loss, cried and drank themselves to sleep for years because of it.

Only guys who don't give a sh*t about anything (who also get fat, in debt etc.) don't give a sh*t about hair loss. Everyone else will care.

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## jamesst11

> I agree with you Jamesst11. Balding is among the hardest things. What NW are you?


 I don't even know.  I am horribly diffused thin every where, but especially in the temples and crown.  I also have thick, evenly and spaced too far apart transplants on just one side of my head... I would say "weird looking and disfigured".  I would pay 50k right now for a normal bald head, and I had a full head of hair 2 years ago. Mark my words, 50k.

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## MrBald

> I don't even know.  I am horribly diffused thin every where, but especially in the temples and crown.  I also have thick, evenly and spaced too far apart transplants on just one side of my head... I would say "weird looking and disfigured".  I would pay 50k right now for a normal bald head, and I had a full head of hair 2 years ago. Mark my words, 50k.


 So the transplant you had, did you have it only on one side? Or did it just take on one side? 

Does it look weird if you shave it? A scar in the back?

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## jamesst11

I had, for some unknown reason, a almost full head of hair, but a bald area forming on the left temple area.  Not knowing how aggressive my MPB could be, I was "convinced" into doing a transplant in that area.  The day came and she started transplanting hairs all through the left side of the head and in the center.  Four months later, I started pulling out hair in CLUMPS, literally 300-400 hairs per day.  That was march-april, 2014.  I lost literally half my hair by the end of 2014.  Early in 2015, started finasteride, which has seemingly perpetuated the problem.  I have bald spots everywhere now.  In the area of the transplantation, I only have transplants.  Many of them 2-4 hair grafts placed right by the hair line.  In short, my hair is a cluster f*ck and looks totally abnormal.

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## IAMX

1

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## IAMX

> I am glad that I at least have you guys on this forum, that can relate to this hell we are all facing... 
> 
> And I am glad for those of you who manage to cope with it, personally I just can't.


 Yes it's hard, have you considered a transplant in the future?  I know it's hard to talk about, but once you share your feelings with friends/family it will be a bit of a relief, them knowing why you're upset... Have you shaved your head? Just curious...






> I had, for some unknown reason, a almost full head of hair, but a bald area forming on the left temple area.  Not knowing how aggressive my MPB could be, I was "convinced" into doing a transplant in that area.  The day came and she started transplanting hairs all through the left side of the head and in the center.  Four months later, I started pulling out hair in CLUMPS, literally 300-400 hairs per day.  That was march-april, 2014.  I lost literally half my hair by the end of 2014.  Early in 2015, started finasteride, which has seemingly perpetuated the problem.  I have bald spots everywhere now.  In the area of the transplantation, I only have transplants.  Many of them 2-4 hair grafts placed right by the hair line.  In short, my hair is a cluster f*ck and looks totally abnormal.


 That's really tough, will you get more transplants in the future to even everything out? My thought is once the majority of my bald area is gone, i'll get a transplant if nothing better has come along... but It'll be a little bit of a painful wait until then.

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## IAMX

> - A girl told me she could not be with a bald guy
> - A girlfriend would leave me for a NW1
> - People threw jokes at me for being bald


 I suspect the girls left you and made fun of you because of your *personality.*

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## fred970

> I suspect the girls left you and made fun of you because of your *personality.*


 Because that's why women get into relationships in the first place, personality.

This explains why funny 5'5 balding ugly guys with great personalities all have supermodel girlfriends.

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## jamesst11

> Because that's why women get into relationships in the first place, personality.
> 
> This explains why funny 5'5 balding ugly guys with great personalities all have supermodel girlfriends.


 Fred, 
    Not all bald dudes are unattractive bro... even at 5'7-5'8 I know some good looking bald dudes with hot girlfriends, none of which are conspiring to **** a NW1 behind their back.  This is the truth man.  End of argument.

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## fred970

> Fred, 
>     Not all bald dudes are unattractive bro... even at 5'7-5'8 I know some good looking bald dudes with hot girlfriends, none of which are conspiring to **** a NW1 behind their back.  This is the truth man.  End of argument.


 These guys are exceptions, obviously. No girl has a bald man in mind when she imagines her future boyfriend.

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## jamesst11

> These guys are exceptions, obviously. No girl has a bald man in mind when she imagines her future boyfriend.


 except the rock, vin diesel, jason stathom... etc.... if you gotta be bald, try to get a tan, dress nice, and keep in shape, oh and get cranial reconstruction if you have a weird head shape, and become a billionaire and maybe jaw reconstruction... f*ck it, you're right.  I hate this sh*t

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## fred970

> except the rock, vin diesel, jason stathom... etc.... if you gotta be bald, try to get a tan, dress nice, and keep in shape, oh and get cranial reconstruction if you have a weird head shape, and become a billionaire and maybe jaw reconstruction... f*ck it, you're right.  I hate this sh*t


 Become filthy rich, huge, tanned, a musician, a poet, an actor, a writer, a CEO, a chef, a humanitarian. All these at the same time... *then girls won't care if you're bald!*

Yeah! Hope! Positivity! What are you waiting for? Start making money, lifting, singing, playing, acting, writing, cooking and working for charities!

Oh you don't want to do all that? Then you're lazy and you deserve to be single! No wonder no woman wants to be with you, it's not your baldness, it's just that you're lazy!

I'm caricaturing. A little. Or am I?

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## Notcoolanymore

In my case hair loss definitely causes anger.  I have provoked arguments with my gf over this shit.  It is the worst when I am getting ready to go out and I see my effed up hair in the mirror.  I am no super model, but am fine with every other feature on my body except my hair.  It is just really hard to pull off a good look when you are bald/balding.  Whether in a suit or dressing casual my effed up hair never looks good.  I keep myself in good shape and try to eat right and sometimes I think what the **** is the point.

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## fred970

> In my case hair loss definitely causes anger.  *I have provoked arguments with my gf over this shit.*


 And that's one of the reasons I will probably never tell my girlfriend I have suffered from hair loss.

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## ElocT9

I consider myself to be conceited and have always have to look good for my job each morning... my thinning hair can sometimes really freak me out in mornings. This happens especially when I did not get enough sleep and ruin my whole day. Sometimes wished that wigs would not so obvious for some reason because I sometimes even have the strange desire to wear one.

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## MrBald

> Yes it's hard, have you considered a transplant in the future?  I know it's hard to talk about, but once you share your feelings with friends/family it will be a bit of a relief, them knowing why you're upset... Have you shaved your head? Just curious...


 Yes I want to do a hair transplant, I am going to go for consultations soon, but my problem is to afford the transplant. I don't have a job, actually I am to depressed for working, and my baldness is a huge reason for that. 

No I have no problems talking about my baldness, I have the opposite problem, I complain about my baldness for my family/girlfriend all the time. Sometimes I wonder how they have energy to hear me. And yes, I have shaved my hair for more or less 15 years. 

I guess it would be easier for me to accept my baldness if it wasn't for the fact that I am a musician. I play guitar and sing, and that has always been an important part of my life. But since my baldness has gone so far now (nw5-nw6) I have totally lost my motivation to do that anymore. Its no fun to stand on a stage when you hate the way you look. And I am so endlessly tired of those ****ing hats I have been wearing.. Totally depressing. 

Thanks for asking man, and again - glad you are able to cope with this.

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## oddshapedhead

im 5'7, have a weird shaped head and also have structural kyphosis. my old man is bald and his dad and his dad etc etc. i started experiencing hair loss mid 20's (im lucky in this regard). at first i was extremely brave like most guys and just said "well if it happens it happens" but as it got worse i was faced with the reality of living my life without hair and it absolutely crushed me. having something taken away from you that you were born with is one of the most humiliating things especially as its out of your control. knowing that my options for future partners has greatly diminished (the pool wasnt that great to begin with), knowing that ill now be the short lonely weird hunchback bald guy, knowing that most women wont ever give me a second glance, knowing that your mates secretly pity you, knowing that your image has to now completely change...things like this can destroy a man.

ive lived a life full of physical pain due to my back, my back has also caused many mental issues due to being perceived as lazy and unattractive due to not being able to have perfect posture, the pain and torture has been NOTHING compared to what hair loss has done to me. both are due to genetics but losing my hair has been such an intimate experience, constantly checking the mirror in the early stages to see the progress of the loss, going to sleep telling yourself that it might stop, lying to myself about how people perceive bald people... its constant.

if you havent experienced hair loss to the point where its on your mind 24/7 then you just havent experienced hair loss. 

the worst thing about this situation is that men are just supposed to get on with it, mens pain means nothing compared to womens. theres no where except places like this where we can go and discuss how we feel.

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