# Men's Hair Loss > Coping with Hair Loss in Everyday Life >  Hair loss, MPB, Alopecias alike, are deadl to the psyche

## hairlosskills

Just thought id contribute a thread telling it like it is.

Im 21 years old.

Balding and some diffuse thinning on the sides and back of head as well.

Ever since I found out, I have social isolated myself from everyone, including my family.

its been 4 years since I found out I was losing hair.

ITS been 3 1/2 years of social isolation and no will to even wipe my own ass.

I live alone, I wake up every morning with no strength to do anything but sit and do the same thin I do everyday...watch youtube videos and play online games.

the sad thing about us young balding victims, is that those who are physchologically struken by the disease are more likely to die a premature death.

I watch ALS ice bucket videos with disgust, why cant we donate to a real killer, ALOPECIA.

WHERE THE ALOPECIA ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE?!?!?!
?!?!?!!!
 :Mad:  :Mad:  :Mad:  :Mad:  :Mad:

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## DeuceWillis

> Just thought id contribute a thread telling it like it is.
> 
> Im 21 years old.
> 
> Balding and some diffuse thinning on the sides and back of head as well.
> 
> Ever since I found out, I have social isolated myself from everyone, including my family.
> 
> its been 4 years since I found out I was losing hair.
> ...


 Get off your ass and do something about it man! You've got options... Finasteride, minoxidil, ru, dutasteride, if you want to fight it... Shave or get a decent looking short hair cut if you don't want to fight it. Either way if you lay down at night and wake up in the morning unhappy, it's nobody's fault but your own. You've probably shit in more fresh water today than some people have seen all week. Be thankful, go live.

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## awesome1

The frustrating part for me is how much of my mental space this occupies.  I WANT to not care, I WANT to say **** it, I'm fortunate and have good features aside from diffuse thinning, but I don't want to take the plunge and shave it down.  

As a result I can't let go of the anxieties associated, the checking of every dudes hairline I see, wondering their age and comparing to my own.  Any time I'm in the bathroom snapping pics/videos on my phone,  it's frustrating to exert all that mental energy that could be used for other things like advancing creative projects, improving myself, getting my thoughts down or anything other at all than the waste of time I've made for myself.  That's what bothers me the most, I need to push myself harder to push it out of my mind. 

I'm getting better now, but I do have those relapses where I spend too much time one evening browsing hair loss forums and just staring at my photos every few weeks.  As long as I don't let these mental occupations worsen as my hairline does, I'll be fine.  But that's a tough thing to ask of myself. I know I'm up for the challenge.  I'm not afraid of myself.  I try not to hide it.  I get self-conscious about wearing hats because I'm worried it'll look like I'm TRYING to hide it.  Sometimes I walk at the front of the pack of friends with no fear of exposing my thinning crown,  almost on purpose (also I can't stand the indecisiveness so its nice to be upfront and navigating)

It's weird what it does to our psyche, isn't it?  I know life will go on, I know I have a strong will.  It's nice to get some of these words down though.

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## James7

*hairlosskills* aha yeah, I was thinking that too about the ice bucket trend phenomenon - 

where's the alopecia ice bucket challenge!!  :Smile: 




> The frustrating part for me is how much of my mental space this occupies.  I WANT to not care, I WANT to say **** it, I'm fortunate and have good features aside from diffuse thinning, but I don't want to take the plunge and shave it down.  
> 
> As a result I can't let go of the anxieties associated, the checking of every dudes hairline I see, wondering their age and comparing to my own.  Any time I'm in the bathroom snapping pics/videos on my phone,  it's frustrating to exert all that mental energy that could be used for other things like advancing creative projects, improving myself, getting my thoughts down or anything other at all than the waste of time I've made for myself.  That's what bothers me the most, I need to push myself harder to push it out of my mind.


 *awesome1*, yeah when something becomes an obsession, and particularly something that is mostly out of your control, such as this, it's probably not healthy and you need to change that.
I know I've done a similar thing, where you are looking at other people's hair, and comparing your own situation.

Well we all know the 'big 3' finasteride, minoxidil, nizoral.
I think really the 'big 3' should be finasteride, hair transplants and hair systems. Because these are the only things that are going to change the situation, when it gets past nw2 or nw3.

So i reckon you just need to make a plan as to what your going to do with these 3 options: finasteride, hair transplants and hair systems. It's a decision you make for yourself, whether you want to try them, and each one of them is not for everyone.

But once you've made your decision about those things, and either tried them or not - then you have done all that you can do.
That is all there really is available.
Once you made your decisions, obsessing any more about it afterwards really isn't helpful to you, like you said. It just wastes your own time.
I'd like to help with the obsessing about hair thing, I think do that too.

Most people do not obsess about hair. Either their own or any one elses. When they talk to people they look at their eyes. Any other physical characteristic you may notice, well that might usually only be a passing thought. I would think also usually soon forgotten.

You've got to remember how it was before hairloss. Before you lost your hair, did you obsess and analyze the hair or any particular feature of the general public? Probably not, most people don't.

So you need to get back to that state of mind, before any hairloss  :Smile:  Did you obsess about it then? No. It's really not that interesting to people without hairloss, so why should you care?

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## James7

Hi *awesome1*,

Sorry I just realised, I don't wanna sound too much like I'm telling you what to do.
I'm really as much telling myself these things as anything.

Though I would like to discuss it, I think we have a similar thing here. Yeah it does help to get these words down.

I think what we both have is a sort of *'hair envy'*.

So for example, we might see some old guy with good hair. We know it takes him zero effort, he probably barely thinks about it, but we know, conversely, that we are worrying/obsessing all the time. We might make assumptions about how he doesn't really need it now at his age, and we feel we need it more. Maybe his life is already sorted out, and we are still worried about needing hair to get a date. It's really like a sort of jealousy mixed with a 'why me and not him?' sort of thing.

So yeah it's jealousy. We have envious resentment.

So it occurs to me we have to get back to where we were before all of this, if we can. At least mentally. 
I remember before hairloss. I did enjoy my own hair, I was very happy with it. But also *I didn't really take that much notice of other peoples hair* back then. There were and are much more important things in life.
Also, I'm pretty sure when you try to remember people, the main thing that is remembered in detail is their face. Also the eyes.
Then of course there is their personailty, their actions etc.
All of these things are the big details that are normally remembered or noticed about people, I think.
If you try to recall people you knew before hairloss, it's probably quite hard to say where on the norwood scale every single one of them was, right? We didn't look for that before, so we shouldn't do it now.

So anyway, my idea is generally to get back to this more balanced view, that any person has before hairloss. What do you think?  :Smile:

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## hairlosskills

Idk how much longer i can live through this  ld rather be dead

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## awesome1

I do try to remember that, and you're right.  though I do remember seeing a co worker who had some pretty bad thinning around all of his crown and wondering why he didn't just cut it off.  Although I think this was shortly after I just started noticing my own thinning.  Now as its progressed a bit more i could see myself being in his same boat, and I've found myself more empathetic towards his situation, realizing its not as bad as I first thought on him.  I really can't remember if this was before or after I started noticing, it was probably after, because before yeah, I wouldn't have really cared, probably at most a subconscious acknowledgement that his hair was thin.

Anyway, hairlosskills (we got hair loss skilllzzzz XD), we can come out as stronger people for this, you still got the rest of your life ahead of you.

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## HairIsLife

> Idk how much longer i can live through this  ld rather be dead


 Sometimes I contemplate it too. If people truly believed all the kum ba yah bullshit that they post about being thankful for this or that, they wouldn't be here. Some people just refuse to accept the value of looks in today's society.

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## hairlosskills

> Sometimes I contemplate it too. If people truly believed all the kum ba yah bullshit that they post about being thankful for this or that, they wouldn't be here. Some people just refuse to accept the value of looks in today's society.


 Looks are becoming increasingly important in todays society, theres nothing anyone could say to alter our society's perception about the importance of looking good and taking of yourself. Hair can literally make or break a young mans appearance, idc what anyone says, theres no if's ,and's, or but's about that cold hard fact.

With that being said. This isnt living, i mentally and physically cant put up with this world anymore.
If i had an oppurtunity to go to switzerland to get euthanized, i would go in heartbeat with little to no fear about life after death. I simply cant watch my prime years go by while i live socially isolated in physical and mental anguish. I realize its a mind game and i probably suffer a mental illness or two other than just depression. But hair loss in your teens/20s is a completely different kind of sadness, i feel like ive been handed a prison sentence.

For now i will be seeking out opiates for the intensity of my depression. Heroin.

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## hairlosskills

[QUOTE=hairlosskills;185455]Looks are becoming increasingly important in todays society, theres nothing anyone could say to alter our society's perception about the importance of looking good and taking care of yourself. Hair can literally make or break a young mans appearance, idc what anyone says, theres no if's ,and's, or but's about that cold hard fact.

With that being said. This isnt living, i mentally and physically cant put up with this world anymore.
If i had an oppurtunity to go to switzerland to get euthanized, i would go in a heartbeat with little to no fear about life after death. I simply cant watch my prime years go by while i live socially isolated in physical and mental anguish. I realize its a mind game and i probably suffer a mental illness or two other than just depression. But hair loss in your teens/20s is a completely different kind of sadness, i feel like ive been handed a prison sentence.


For now i will be seeking out opiates for the intensity of my depression. Heroin.

I can only hope for a miracle...but knowing the pathetic pace of past hairloss research, miracles arent even in their vocabulary.

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## hairlosskills

Double post accident

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## HairIsLife

> Looks are becoming increasingly important in todays society, theres nothing anyone could say to alter our society's perception about the importance of looking good and taking of yourself. Hair can literally make or break a young mans appearance, idc what anyone says, theres no if's ,and's, or but's about that cold hard fact.
> 
> With that being said. This isnt living, i mentally and physically cant put up with this world anymore.
> If i had an oppurtunity to go to switzerland to get euthanized, i would go in heartbeat with little to no fear about life after death. I simply cant watch my prime years go by while i live socially isolated in physical and mental anguish. I realize its a mind game and i probably suffer a mental illness or two other than just depression. But hair loss in your teens/20s is a completely different kind of sadness, i feel like ive been handed a prison sentence.
> 
> For now i will be seeking out opiates for the intensity of my depression. Heroin.


 How old are you ? What's your hair situation ? Sounds like you've been hit pretty hard by this shit.

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## hairlosskills

Well, im 21, i was a nw 2.5 before my ht. Im nw 1 now. Iwent to a highly reputable coalatiom surgeon. But im unhappy i jumped the gun on the ht. My scar is 3mm wide, but for some reason i have telogen efflivium thats hitting me real hard right now thats preventing me from adding more fue up top and in the scar. if i post a pic of my hair people here may get upset im complaining. But every follicle on my scalp has been affected by a chronic telogen efflivium, so this has been a roller caoster. Idk if the loss will stop or get worse. Im told by a trichologist its 100% reversible but nothing is forsure in this world.
Im on the big 3 plus LLLT , thinnking of adding dut

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## HairIsLife

> Well, im 21, i was a nw 2.5 before my ht. Im nw 1 now. Iwent to a highly reputable coalatiom surgeon. But im unhappy i jumped the gun on the ht. My scar is 3mm wide, but for some reason i have telogen efflivium thats hitting me real hard right now thats preventing me from adding more fue up top and in the scar. if i post a pic of my hair people here may get upset im complaining. But every follicle on my scalp has been affected by a chronic telogen efflivium, so this has been a roller caoster. Idk if the loss will stop or get worst. Im told by a trichologist its 100% reversible but nothing is forsure in this world.
> Im on the big 3 plus LLLT , thinnking of adding dut


 How long have you been on Fin ? Any sides ?

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## hairlosskills

I had sides on fin when i first started 3 years ago. I was getting gyno. Ijumped off at 20. But got back on after my ht. My dht is low but im not experiencing any sides this time around. I attribute the no sides due to what i call my BDD diet. A diet high in greens and protein. Followed by elimination of all processed fast food,and no dairy,gluten,grains,corn,sugar,high glycemic foods,soy,etc. Basically eating food that enhance attractiveness.
I know for a fact this is why i have no sides this time around. I know this because i have been on and off fin 3 times due to sides. All the sides were noticed while i ate like shit

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## nursedude22

Awwww, reading your post reminded me of someone very close to me. 

Don't let this defeat you! There will be no other person like you, you're unique and posses qualities no one else has!
Have you ever sought out professional help? (i.e. therapy)

If not I'd totally recommend it, many times talking and letting everything out can be the main ingredient to recovery.

Best of Luck <3

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