# Other Discussions > Off Topic Discussions >  Brothers, I have women issues.

## Exodus

Ok so I need some advice and feel the site which has been a big help in the past few months can aid me on another matter in my life, namely, women and dating.

So in the past I've had a profile on an internet dating site (don't worry I didn't request Ludwig Scales etc). I have used my buzzed picture which hasn't detracted as many people as I thought it would. Clearly if they didn't want to speak to me, they aren't.

I meet this girl who lives pretty close to me and intends to start Uni in my home city. She's fit, cute, great personality and really easy to get on with. WinWin in my view. We both had profiles, but decided to not use them and remain committed. 

Now here is when shit gets down. In the early days whilst we were still chatting I was still using it, chatting to other people ( I mean at this stage we were still non-exclusive effectively). Now as the months go by I forget about this thing and am just happy focusing on life, her and of course, hair. One day I get a spam email from this place sending me rubbish etc. Out of curiosity I logged on and did chat to some of my old contacts. 

Now I realise I should have deleted this thing from the word go and moved on with life, but I guess this was a weak point on my side and I kinda wanted to see what things were like and what other people were doing. As I was searching through old contacts, I find the girls I was seeing and saw that it was active (she was online the same time I logged on).

I questioned said girl Im seeing and stated "Oh, you're still using said dating site then." She said no, it was a second account her brother had accidentally logged into and she had forgotten the password. Immediately, the conversation turned onto why I was on said site. I explained that I did still have it, I was chatting to people, but honest to god, I did not advertise myself as single and did not have any intention to meet other girls. 

Said girl wasn't buying this and initially did not want anything to do with me. Now at first I sorta went gave in and said Im sorry, Ill delete it, it'll never happen again. But then it made me think, surely we're both guilty of the same thing? We both had profiles that we had neglected to tell each other about. I mean how can you forget a password and yet your brother knows it and logs on to your account?

I mean for me, it was wrong of me to be on there anyway and I should have deleted this and moved on.

So now brothers, I ask your opinion and advice. Am I guilty in this situation, should I grovel and beg for forgiveness? Should I investigate girls dating profile that she did not know about any further? Or should I jack this in? Is it worth the time and effort?

What would you guys do in this situation? Would you say Im in the wrong or both of us are?!?

I await your responses.

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## BigThinker

Hey, hombre.  

First off, _in my opinion_, you're too young to be resorting to on-line dating -- there's so many real ways for a nice young fella like yourself to meet ladies.  Best part is that "sharing" your profile and such isn't even a concern.  It's all built into the package of being at a concert, the beach, a bar, etc.  

Certainly there isn't anything wrong using the internet for meeting girls, but I can't imagine the satisfaction derived from an on-line chat is even a shred of the satisfaction derived from a nice chat during a happy hour at a pub.  You're such a brilliant, confident dude -- you would have no problem finding a girl out there.  Best part is that your hair situation is right there in the open from the get-go.  Nothing to worry about.

Never used on-line dating, to be honest, so I'll leave it at that.

I'll preface this next part by saying I'm not a women's psychologist or super ladies' man by any means, but I get by.  It seems way too coincidental that she would be on-line the one time you are.  Further, that her brother would be messing with her accounts is laughable.  You _definitely_ don't owe her forgiveness -- keep your pride.  Further, if you caught her up to no-good, she's probably more likely to move on that beg for _your_ forgiveness -- pretty sure internet dating is super-saturated with dudes.

The whole thing smells fishy to me.  I wouldn't let some internet chick deter you from mingling elsewhere.  Like I said before, you're a sharp kid.  If you have reasonable expectations, employ intelligence, confidence, and a bit of game, it's a wrap.

_Not_ worth the time and effort in my opinion.  Play the field while you're young.

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## Aames

She's trying to reallocate the guilt to you; don't let her do it. I'm not psychic so I can't guess her intentions, but many women actively look to upgrade if they can. Some, however, just LOVE the attention that online dating gives them. The lopsided gender ratios ensure that they feed their ego with hundreds of messages per day from desperate, lonely betas.

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## Proper

Hold on a minute. Maybe I missed it somewhere in your post. Did you meet her in reality yet?

I have some experience on this but it may be bias'ed due to the fact of the way I handle things. I kept hearing things about online dating and I've always looked down on it for myself. If people can get girls using it, good for them, but it wasn't for me until I tried it... somewhat.

Anyways, I heard people getting dates on there in the past and I last year one of my close buddies owned up that he used it. I decided to go on there to see what the hype was about and surely, it was the same old shit. I made a troll account with this pic and was stalking peeps.



I got a message from someone laughing about it and they asked me for my fb. I gave it and she was interested and boom, caught a fish.

After I tried a couple more times using my real pics, it works. If they don't meet up after a week or two, ditch it, move on. I usually try to get a meetup at my place or theirs to watch a movie and drink and if they agree, its usually a sure thing. Maybe it works like that cause I'm still in uni and thats how all kids do it. But maybe meet up with em in public somewhere if the house visits dont seem to be doing well and feel it out... if she doesn't seem like the type, it's not gonna last. Ditch. After that I took down my account and never used it again. I saw some people I knew or seen aruond on there and I feel embarrassed that my pic was there.

It's really a very hit and miss kind of thing. Some people repsond, some don't. But for girls, holy... I made another troll account with a girl's pic I "borrowed" on facebook and she got like 100 messages off the bat within the first 5 minutes I registered it. And I believe most girls on their are looking for what any guy looks for, they just feel to "classy" to state it bluntly and plus they have so many options. I even went as far as using an app with a fake number to get these guys to meet up somewhere and they did, and kept texting me where I was. AHAHA!

Maybe not all girls would do it on the first date or second, maybe even third (kinda pushing it for me)... but if I have to get her on a third date to get some, I must really like her (or want her). There are however some exceptions, some people may actually be looking for a relationship and that is where I am at a lost of information for you. But to answer your question, she is guilting you and she is dicking you around from the info you provided. You should never give in and if you do, that gives them room to feel like they can body you around in the future. Hope this helped.

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## Exodus

Yeah we met, was going for 3-4 months until I decided to get rid of said account and then she appears with her brother logging in as her accidentally...

I dunno at first I was kinda half hearted about it, but then you know, you can grow to like people. But Aames and BigT are right. I think Im better off jacking this in and focusing on the bigger things in life, career, fitness and meeting girls in the real world and give the net a break. 

Still especially going bald it is nice to be with someone, it does feel like an extra hurdle has propped up.

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## baldozer

> She's trying to reallocate the guilt to you; don't let her do it. I'm not psychic so I can't guess her intentions, but many women actively look to upgrade if they can. Some, however, just LOVE the attention that online dating gives them. The lopsided gender ratios ensure that they feed their ego with hundreds of messages per day from desperate, lonely betas.


 Couldn't agree more!

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## BigThinker

> Still especially going bald it is nice to be with someone, it does feel like an extra hurdle has propped up.


 

It definitely feels that way. But, I see so many other dudes functioning as bald and balding out there -- it re-affirms we're not freaks, we're just a little unlucky.

I tell myself my hair is gonna ruin things in my life.  Yet, today I signed a lucrative contract with my employer for my first big-boy job, right outta school.  I went to lunch with a cute girl I'm actually interested in two days ago.  Life is moving along just fine.

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## akai

> She's trying to reallocate the guilt to you; don't let her do it. I'm not psychic so I can't guess her intentions, but many women actively look to upgrade if they can. Some, however, just LOVE the attention that online dating gives them. The lopsided gender ratios ensure that they feed their ego with hundreds of messages per day from desperate, lonely betas.


 Spot-on.

I've never done online dating but I have friends who have. I'm not judging, but I don't see why an attractive girl in her 20s would need online dating to find men. If you're new to a city, older, or divorced I could see how it would be useful. A lot of chicks on there seem to have issues, baggage, or are straight-up sluts. My two friends slept with most of the chicks they met on the first date. They weren't bad looking either. One of the guys I know, who is kind of a sleazeball, said "If you're decent looking, have six pack abs, and a nice car it's basically a lock you'll get laid." If random hookups are your thing I say go for it. Just don't expect to find any wifey material on there.

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## Exodus

> It definitely feels that way. But, I see so many other dudes functioning as bald and balding out there -- it re-affirms we're not freaks, we're just a little unlucky.
> 
> I tell myself my hair is gonna ruin things in my life.  Yet, today I signed a lucrative contract with my employer for my first big-boy job, right outta school.  I went to lunch with a cute girl I'm actually interested in two days ago.  Life is moving along just fine.


 I think you guys are right. I think with this girl it's more or less over. I didn't see it as long term, but not as short as this. Anyhow, it's reaffirmed girls won't bypass me based on my hair so it's not the end of the world. Now I can focus on other things like new job, moving out, travelling etc. 

Thank You All!

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## mattj

I don't buy your girl's story about her brother. She was probably there for the same reason you were. A lot of people use dating sites out of curiosity, to see who they can attract in a way that's safe (no risk of face-to-face rejection and embarrassment) and aren't really serious about meeting anyone. I signed up to one recently and have the phone numbers of a few girls, but I don't really want to meet them.

I can understand looking down on online dating, but I think it's just another way of socialising. Dating sites are heavily marketed these days and many people sign up to them as casually as they join Facebook. An "internet girl" is just a normal girl who uses the internet, like we all do.

As mentioned already, females get tons of messages from guys. There are always way, way more guys than girls on these sites. Girls won't have time to respond to all messages so they pick the ones that interest them the most. Don't feel down if you get ignored as everyone has their own type. I know if I had 100 messages I'd be very selective. Being ignored doesn't mean you're unappealing.

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## lepke

never gavel, never beg. just said you did a misktake to her. do not say you're sorry, it will only make it worst. women play games and look for flaws.

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## BigThinker

> never gavel, never beg. just said you did a misktake to her. do not say you're sorry, it will only make it worst. women play games and look for flaws.


 So true.  I just made this mistake myself.  Say sorry right away when you do something stupid, but then lay off.

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## 35YrsAfter

> Ok so I need some advice and feel the site which has been a big help in the past few months can aid me on another matter in my life, namely, women and dating.
> 
> I meet this girl who lives pretty close to me and intends to start Uni in my home city. She's fit, cute, great personality and really easy to get on with. WinWin in my view. We both had profiles, but decided to not use them and remain committed.
> 
> I await your responses.


 I have been happily married for 24 years.  My wife still has photos in our book albums at home of her with her old boyfriends.  I give her the business about it once in a while but the bottom line is, we trust each other.  When I was younger, I had a girlfriend I didn't trust and with good reason.  I didn't want to be with an untrustworthy person so I withdrew from the relationship.  Peace of mind is important to me.  Most people don't want to be with someone who is always suspicious, or thinks the worst of you.  It's a waste of energy and good times you could otherwise be having.

35YrsAfter also posts as CITNews and works at Dr. Cole's office
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I am not a doctor and the content of my posts are my opinions, not medical advice.
Please feel free to call or email me with any questions.  Ask for Chuck

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