# Men's Hair Loss > Coping with Hair Loss in Everyday Life >  mental health approach to deal with depression caused by appearance?

## recedoroy

I was recently seeing a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist for social anxiety. It didn't really do much for me because its a combination of things that have caused me to be depressed. What I've realised is the only one I can't handle and that gives me that completely hopeless depression is my appearance due to hair loss. I pretty much deal with my social anxiety anyway and you probably wouldn't even know that was an issue for me. But I am really interested in CBT as a technique. I can see how over time it changes your thoughts and thus your feelings, changing your life for the better. 

But what is the approach to fix depression for the way I look? What would a Dr recommend for that? Doesn't have to be hair related. How to people overcome things like that? It doesn't seem like the techniques used in CBT would be much use. When I look in the mirror I get absolutely floored. Like today- I'm on a super health kick and have been eating great all week, I had sent a few text messages to friends earlier to begin making plans for tonight- then I looked in the mirror (not on purpose or anything just in the bathroom) and I instantly just feel the wind sucked out of me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to order a pizza and stay in. It just makes me instantly not give a **** about anything. How do I change the way I feel about this?

----------


## jamesst11

It is hard to remedy a problem like this with therapy, unless you have a really really good therapist.  The answer comes from within and it's hard as all f*ck to find.  I am in the same position as you, a lot of us on here are.  I find myself avoiding my own brothers and parents from time to time.  I don't know how to deal with or explain to them that I've lost almost all my hair in 1.5 years due to stupid mistakes... The one thought I find helps, is to remember, that NO ONE cares even 1/billionth as much as you do.  It's true.. no one else could give two f*cks.  You might have a combover and be self conscience about it all night... but as soon as everyone goes home, not a single other person thinks about it but you.  It's hard and nearly impossible for some people to get out of our own minds, but that's the answer.  Anxiety, to me at least, is simply too much thought.  It's being trapped within the impermeable walls of my mind and feeling doomed.

----------


## MrBald

Wow, its like I could have wrote this myself. I feel exactly the same as you, and I have the same questions and problems with social anxiety/depression. 

"What I've realised is the only one I can't handle and that gives me that completely hopeless depression is my appearance due to hair loss."

Exact the same for me.

----------


## MrBald

> I find myself avoiding my own brothers and parents from time to time.


 This is something I also could have wrote. And that by itself causes a depression and anxiety in me, when I feel so bad that I even reject the ones that I deep inside care about the most, and they also care the most about me. Thats so sad. Hairloss can truly be devastating.

----------


## MrBald

I guess we have two alternatives:

1. Do something to look better (transplant/smp/hair system/etc)

2. Accept that we doesn't look good, and find value in others aspects in life. 

Alternative two is of course very hard to do, and I am not sure how to reach that point.

Feel free to PM me both of you if you are feeling really low sometimes. We are going through the same hell, and its hard for others to understand it, that haven't been there themselves.

----------

