# Women's Hair Loss > Introduce Yourself & Share Your Story >  Taking control of your life

## AlopecianMuse

When we are thrown into the dreaded mire of losing our hair, often times we can become emotionally blinded and lose our way through life. We forget who we are inside, what is important to us as men and women and we begin to filter life through our hair or lack thereof.
This can lead us to a very dark place in which we socialize less, isolate ourselves, begin to project our own sense of loathing and hatred onto others making them less loving and accepting in our eyes. We become depressed and demoralized and feel absolute defeat at times, because we suffer a loss of control concerning our hair loss. 

Here are some questions for anyone reading this:

If you could move forward in your life right now because the world cared NOT whether you had a full head of hair or not....what would you be doing right now? 

What steps would you take in order to embrace the life around you?

What dreams would you begin to fulfill?

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## davesolazzo

Wow!  Those are great questions.   

I think at this point for me I've accepted the reality of my situation.  It sucks but I've learned to deal with it.   And I'm really pretty lucky.  I've been in remission for the last seven years and I've been able to save about 75 to 80 percent of my hair.  Aside from a little recession in the temples and some thinning in the crown you'd never really know that I was balding.  Or at least that's what I'd like to think.  :Smile:   So I don't really think that my hair loss is holding me back now.   But in the past it certainly has.  I had my life on hold for years because of my hair.   It was especially difficult for me in my late twenties and I missed out on a lot.   I avoided most social situations; I didn't really date at all; I wasnt putting any energy into my music career.   I was a total mess!   The only time I was really comfortable socially was when I was getting loaded with one of my few close friends in one of our favorite dive bars.  And we did that a lot back then.  :Smile:    So that's my main regret: that I missed out on so much socially.   But like I said I've gotten over most of that now.   And this whole crazy journey has led me to where I am now...and my involvement with the show.    That's definitely a good thing.   But yeah, this whole hair loss thing still really sucks  :Frown:

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## WomensHairLossProject

> If you could move forward in your life right now because the world cared NOT whether you had a full head of hair or not....what would you be doing right now? 
> 
> What steps would you take in order to embrace the life around you?
> 
> What dreams would you begin to fulfill?


 Dear AlopeciaMuse -

Love the thought provoking questions! 

My answers:

1) If I truly felt the world would not judge me, I'd have shaved off the rest of my hair a very long time ago. The immense pain my hair loss has brought me over the last 9 years has done quite a number on me and it is a continuing act of torture to watch pieces of yourself float down the drain each day. Shaving off the rest would give me back control. Also, if I cared not what the world thought of my presence or absence of hair I would be way more publicly vocal about my story. I'd show my face and be proud so women going through this could recognize it affects us at all ages, and they would have that moment of comfort knowing "SHE" has hair loss, a "normal" looking person has fought this struggle for nearly a decade. 

2) Steps to embrace life around me... START living, quit hiding, rekindle lost friendships and explain to those I've seemingly abandoned why I made my departure from life. I'd accept the invitations to social gatherings instead of making excuses of why I cannot go.  I'd walk in the streets being proud of who I am and how I look, instead of always feeling like a pink elephant.  I'd START living. 

3) Dreams? WHATS THAT?? LOL It funny how you can feel so lost after sort accepting that there is certain things you will never be able to do period because of your hair loss. I'll have to get back to you on this one.   :Big Grin: 

Thanks so much for writing this post.

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## AlopecianMuse

_I always think of self-acceptance as a "Hard Mistress" if I am not married to it. In our lives during the times of hair loss, we may "mess around" with self-acceptance, but never fully commit to it. This makes self-acceptance a mistress instead a life long lover and partner. We make self-acceptance a temptress, seductive and alluring, but always some how just beyond our reach, calling on her when we are bored with what we have chosen to "marry" and be our life long partner. 

I, like so many other people out there chose to "marry" the acceptance that the world and society said was right for me. She was that perfect beauty, ageless, flawless, always fun, carefree and rich. I chose her because everyone around me told me that she was worth it, and that I would be happy if I espoused her and embraced her. But on my wedding night I found that she was not at all what everyone told me she would be. She was cruel, harsh, demanding and full of contempt for my imperfections. She was impatient with my frailties and found them to be totally unacceptable. She mocked me for not looking like the "beautiful people" and said I was less than worthy when I needed her most. Her love for me was based only on what I could give her and how I could make her feel and she gave nothing in return. Her love was an illusion and her beauty faded. I began to avoid her, isolating myself and retreating from all her friends. I feared rejection from her so I kept trying to please her!
But along came this mistress called self-acceptance. She could look deep within my soul and see me for who I was. She had a way of making me feel so special and when I was with her time stood still. She was wise, caring and knew me so completely. When I gazed upon her, it aroused me to be a better person, filled with passion, drive, courage, and life. But she wanted more than I was willing to give and I wasn't willing to leave the one I married. Feeling hurt, my mistress retreated and hid from me. One day I was filled with jealousy because I saw her with another lover! What could I do to have her back? How do I tell her that she means more to me than the one I chose to marry? 

Shall I go home to the one I married, miserable and defeated? Or shall I find my mistress and take her once again and make a committment to love her and adore her...to cherish her and show her just how much she means to me.
She will accept nothing less than that, and that is why she is such a Hard Mistress._

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## WomensHairLossProject

> _
> Shall I go home to the one I married, miserable and defeated? Or shall I find my mistress and take her once again and make a committment to love her and adore her...to cherish her and show her just how much she means to me.
> She will accept nothing less than that, and that is why she is such a Hard Mistress._


 Wow. Very Beautifully Written! I want to MARRY my MISTRESS !!!! she's around here somewhere  :Smile:

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